Domestic Violence Awareness: Financial Abuse is Domestic Violence

‘My Husband Never Let Me Spend More than $200 a Month on Food’

One woman shares her story of financial abuse, an all-too-common form of domestic violence.

 October 17, 2016
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58 thoughts on “Domestic Violence Awareness: Financial Abuse is Domestic Violence

    • Hi Anna,
      I’ve been thinking about how today this month I’ve been feeling really good (happy almost). When I first started WordPress I was nearly out of my mind, broken & just so terrified to be trying to live my life without my abuser. I was afraid that the little bit of security I had was gone and I didn’t know how or what to do. Then you reached out to me and shared me every possible resource out there for abuse victims. What I’m trying to say is thank you, because of you and a few other people who saw my post and reached out with encouragement I broke the pattern,.. my husband and I had a pattern where he would abuse me pack his bags and leave for a couple of days sometimes even a week and I would beg & cry & beg some more until he came home;,.. but not this time. Because of you and others I put on my shoes with courage and stood up & I did not call him crying and begging him back to abuse me some more. I took all the encouraging words, all the links, all the information, made all the phone calls did whatever I needed to do not to beg him back. And today I’m so much stronger mentally & spiritually not much has changed financially but it feels good to feel happy & to eat everyday. Like the lady in my blog my husband use money to control me.,& that meant days & sometimes up to a week without eating.
      I didn’t mean to ramble on, & on,.but I did want to say thank you
      & Sunday blessings to you!

      Liked by 5 people

  1. Sad to say I understand this all too well. 32 years worth. And I also worked much of those years but he considered my $ his and his was his, too. My name was on the house but he repeatedly told me it was his house and that I was his property, too. Looking back I do not know how I lasted but I am here now, free for the past seven years. Sometimes the only way you can see how bad it is, is when you have been away from it and see how peaceful life can really be. Great post. Feel for those still trapped and hope they are able to break free one day, too.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Janni so do I, I have been married for 34 years now but for the last 18 months I have been on my own.18 months ago my husband went ghost he simply packed his belongings and vanished,.. this was typical behavior in our marriage but this time instead of pleading with him to come back I decided I would try to move forward without him. You give me hope that I will recover. Even with all the trials I’ve been going through it has been absolutely wonderful to live free from the abuse. My husband was a terror to live with and it has just been so wonderful to live without all the game & tricks he would play with my mind everyday. My husband believed that what was mine was his and what was his was his,.. even though we worked jointly side-by-side to build it. Yes it is amazing to look back at what we had to tolerate on a daily basis just to survive inside the abuse,..that’s why it has been easy for me to keep that in the forefront of my mind and survive any challenges. I can say though I’m not legally free, I hope to reach that goal too one day. Thanks for reading my post.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Ever since I’ve came back to my husband in 2012, it’s like everything is a secret. I’m not allowed to know what’s in his bank account. I’m not allowed to use his bank card without permission and if so, every bit must be accountable with a receipt. I mean one day he told me to fill the car up with gas which I did at one gas station but then I went to a pharmacy and bought a darn candy bar and he had the nerve to check his account online and ask where the extra $1.25 came from! As far as other financial abuses, I don’t work, I don’t get allowances so I have to count on him for everything, which basically is begging for what I need. I’m on SSD $1200 a month and what I recieve from that monthly, I must make that stretch PLUS PAY HALF THE RENT (we live in an apartment). I never ask for a dime. He has never bought me a thing nor offered to buy me a thing. He could care less.

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  3. modern-day slavery…I’m suffering from neglect abandonment and forced to live in an overpriced rental instead of deeded home because he’s got all our money as the breadwinner. Not A SINGLE DOMESTIC ABUSE law recognizes the severe trauma this abuse causes. I’d rather be hit so he’d go to jail! Instead I’m threatened all the time. No money for food or household with pets. Forcing me to sell stuff to eat while he lives off $12000 a month and claims his expense to enslave my is my welfare. I’m married and get nothing!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi beautiful 🙂 I am still finding my way through the setting up my page and give me wix anytime haha but I will get there and wordpress it seems is best for blogging and for what my needs are. I thought I would let you know where I am at and wanted to share something with you and the lovely people affected by financial/economic abuse.

    This past week I have so much to deal with that I could not convey into words or volumes but God knows my every move and that of the person living in the darkness, as he see’s what is done in the dark.

    I have apologised to God once again as I ran into my room with tears streaming down my face and dared to scream at God to ‘cut him down, God, cut him down!’

    I have sent many posts to HG Tudor but being a typical narcissist he controls by using moderation as he moderates his own sites. I keep a copy of them awaiting moderation now because they disappear into the never never. One post was written in a humorous style, however please know that it affected me deeply and most painfully and I am still sweating due to the audacity of such a filthy threat to prevent me from eating, then when I challenged, again the N said he would remove the fridge like the tv he has now removed as punishment.

    I copied my writing to HG Tudor under one of his posts as it has not made it into the atmosphere of HG Tudors blog so here it is: 1. /read/blogs/1176739171. purpleribbonhealing
    1h ago
    3. Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    4. Looks like a depiction of face blindness’ where according to latest figures, 1 in 50 people have.
    5. /read/blogs/117673917 /read/blogs/1176739175. purpleribbonhealing
    30m ago
    7. Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    8. Today is very hot and beach weather and since the narcissist? sociopath? psychopath has been on a three day mission to devalue and destroy the victim, his frustration and threats are becoming laughable. We have everything in the past three days of his mania that if were not delivered so seriously and with such vengeance could feature in a comedy!
    9. Without going into much detail, this mornings into this afternoons threats have come from left, right and midfield. His matey mate (not that matey mate ever invites him around) has a new job in the hospital removing body parts, yes body parts and even heads included according to the ? narcissist or whatever he is. Wow, like I really believe that a hospital provides employment for eight hours per day @ five days per week for an employee to remove the parts of people of what he believes to be true, does. Furthermore let’s be realistic here: Preservation of life is key to medicine although yeah, there are exceptions. Preservation of limbs or those extremities dependent on for activities of daily living surely are not expended so thoughtlessly. When calculating the hours x days that is a hell of a lot of body parts and enough to warrant further investigation or a royal commission! Wow, as for removal of heads in theatre I guess Mr.? was stumped (lol) when I quickly replied with a quirky: What kind of surgery involves removal of someone’s head! Oh dear the lack of self-awareness is chronic around here, I mean can you imagine all of these heads being discarded in yellow plastic bags for removal as realistic? I sure as hell don’t think so!
    10. Unleashed fury came at me like a nail gun fully loaded for my apparent stupidity, lack of intelligence and to verify the claims I was told in such profanity how if I don’t believe him, then his mate can prove it! I politely said, “Well he is a bigger bulls**t artist than you!” He is not about to let this one drop so has turned purple with inner rage, spilled it out including removing the television where he broke the aerial (lol) as punishment is the call of the day for my stupidity! I am not to eat anything, then further to back up his fury and deliver more punishment he has announced that his matey mate will give him what he needs from the body parts and that I best be careful if I eat anything in the house because I won’t know what is being placed or ground up into my food (lmao).
    11. He has stuffed himself over again, as I have recorded his outbursts and will make a note of calling environmental services dept of the hospital to inform of the way that body parts are being used and offered around according to him and I dare say that there are many limitations as to what can be disposed of and unless there is an underground belly of black market frankensteinian body services operating I fear he has completely lost his head (oops, lol). I told him his story will make heads roll (lol) and oh boy looks like I am in the bad books for the rest of the weekend!

    I have made light of my experience but it is so much more deeper than expressed and hurts so much. My adrenal system is being burned out along with all of the endocrine health issues I have due to him including my brain tumor and his chants just yesterday where my elderly mother was on a phonecall with me, where he flied down the hallway out of his locked in state inside his locked room after smashing the tv terminal end for aerial so he can lay in his room with a giant sized monitor doing what he does in there with the door handles made of china now smashed to manipulate his sanctuary and fetishes to be concealed behind a door where God sees it all, yet will he move out, move on- No Sir’ee!

    My mum is an associated person of domestic violence yet he threw every profane word her way and insulted my deceased father and was on yet another rampage all because three days prior he had an altercation with his female boss so who has copped the venom, the rage that he could not do to her- Me of course.

    We have great issues of underhandedness and a weak judicial system in Queensland and as I write through my pain, I will never give up because we must stand together against abuse that is non-physical in a way that we find atrocious physical violence. Until we get it through the heads of the our hierarchy and local, greater governments then we shall not be spared whilst these perpetrators recycle themselves and break down more and more people.

    Love your blog and thank you for listening and have a great Sunday xox

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My mom was only given $65 a month for money to spend on herself and anything she wanted to do, but my dad also almost always asked for some of it back. When he gave her the money he’d say, “Here’s your blood money.” Yet he was buying donuts to take to anyone and everyone, mom found three pairs of $700 shoes per pair in the trunk of his car and he did whatever he wanted. He also stopped paying for school clothes for me once I started babysitting, so I wore the same clothes for many years, whether they were suitable or not. Depriving someone of financial means is definitely abuse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My husband also lived a lavish lifestyle nothing was never too expensive or too good for him, whatever he wanted he bought.He would give me barely enough money to buy food and then expected me to keep the car filled up with gas, while he walked around with 4 or 5 Visa card in his wallet. I think a lot of the financial abuse is just pure cruelty. I’m glad that I’m free from all that now. How did it affect you witnessing your dad’s treatment toward your mother?

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m glad you’re free from all of it, too. I ended up taking my mom out of the house with dad when she told me she was going to stop talking to or being with her children. I knew dad was to the point of isolating her. She is a very co-dependent person, so the majority of the 7.5 years she’s been with me I have been the bad guy. I was being mean by cutting off ties with him. She just continued to talk to him on the phone once I said he could no longer come over to the house. It was a brutal and she never really would listen to me. Now that he’s in a nursing home and she’s grown accustomed to it and has little contact with him, she rarely tells me I’m the problem. For much of the time, she was putting all his abusive behaviors on me (basically saying I would do to her what he did – that was painful). But I kept telling her God didn’t want that kind of abuse in her life and that by enabling him, she had basically given him permission to keep doing it. He also came to the point that he believed he should be treated like a king and get everything he wanted because mom always tried to make sure we didn’t make him angry (which was impossible – he blew up over anything).

        Liked by 1 person

      • I commend you for stepping up and removing your mother out of the situation. Isolation is a destructive tool, it makes you feel completely alone & helpless. I agree no contact is best because it breaks the control they have on the victim mentally. Having a sense of entitlement seems to be a trait of most abusers. My husband demanded respect but gave none. I pray that you and your mom keep moving forward with God’s grace & His love.❤❤

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I can remember the pain like it was happening right now. The yelling. The criticism. The blaming.
    One day in Memphis is wasn’t to hot but it wasn’t to cold. The weather was just right. I just wanted to take a deep breathe so I checked the mail. I never would’ve thought he would be watching my every move there and back. I guess I took a wrong turn around the laundry area and he flipped out. When I walked in the door he grabbed my arm, yelling so hard to spit in my face with every vowel. “Where were you”? He asked. I checked the mail. No you didn’t. Your cheating, he said. How? I said and in 2 minutes. Plus I’m pregnant. Before I knew it he had my pubic hairs in his hand, pulling them and yelling. “Your cheating bitch”. Tears falling down my face, trying to convince him no. I just checked the mail promise. The pain.

    http://shantelovelysite.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Anna,
      Happy New Year!🎉
      Not much has changed financially, but I’m healing mentally, I’m not so broken. I feel happy sometimes too. All the intense fear has subsided greatly. I’m looking forward to working hard in 2017 so I can continue to heal.
      Like you I hope to one day be able to help others.
      Please continue to pray for me, I’m praying we both do great things in 2017.
      Joyce
      ❤❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I just recently wrote about this form of abuse. I am a survivor but didn’t think that I had gone through this until I read this article. As I thought back I realized that he did not want me to work. When I did work he wanted all of my money or it was an abuse scene waiting to happen. Thanks for sharing this story as many victims of DV experience this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are welcome. I thought I was the only person to experience this, I’ve since learned that I wasn’t. Knowledge is power & I’m learning how to never let this happen to me again. As survivors if we share our stories we heal and help others heal too. I pray you are safe & life finds you in a better place.
      God Bless you!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Financial abuse most certainly is a form of domestic violence, one that is sadly often overlooked. Financial abuse is a popular tactic that abusers use in order to prevent their victims from escaping; without access to resources, especially financial resources, how can one leave? The method effectively makes escaping the abuser’s clutches exceedingly more difficult. My ex-husband confiscated all of my earnings, and took total control of our family’s finances. He often would spend it on his friends, going out to eat with his classmates, on Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and God knows what else. He had complete control of both of our paychecks, yet we were always running out of money before the next payday. Whenever my mother would give me a little bit of money for my birthday, he would confiscate that as well, claiming that I didn’t need it; he then proceeded to spend it on his friends. Domestic abuse is all about control, whether it be physical, financial, emotional, sexual, spiritual, or mental. You are in bondage! Domestic abuse leaves its victims in shackles.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Everything word of your statement is truth. I am shackled, just stuck. It’s hard to start over with no money & being damaged so badly mentally. I struggle everyday, I do without basic necessities, it’s hard. I’m free but I’m not

      Liked by 1 person

      • I promise things will get better, my friend. It’s exceedingly difficult, I know. The long term effects of domestic violence haunts victims long after we escape. I am still recovering as well. The physical damage has long since healed, yet there are deep scars forever etched upon my very soul. I would like to be of assistance, if I may. There are recourses dedicated to assisting those that are in need. I apologize, I am very new to your blog, and know not your exact current situation. If any of my suggestions are offensive, I sincerely apologize. Do you have any family members that reside close by that might be willing to take you in whilst you gather your bearings? I ask, because I am so very blessed to have my younger sister in my life; without her I would have been homeless when I left my abusive ex-husband. It is crucial to find a support network that can help build you up. Seek a domestic violence recovery group, if you are able. Rooms for rent are an option. See if you can find one in your price range in your area. While it is not the same as having your own place, it is highly affordable, and can be beneficial whilst you seek jobs of decent pay. On days that money is especially tight, soup kitchens, and other places that offer free meals are handy. There are food banks as well. See if there are any in your area. I dearly hope this helps. Please, let me know if there is anyway I can assist.

        Liked by 2 people

      • I appreciate all your support, all the encouragement, all the information. Please know I have not just been sitting around doing nothing. I’ve been knocking on doors & making phone calls. Nothing is in my price range because I have no money. I have been sharing my story so much this last few weeks in order to find if there are some resources now available to me that were not there when I checked previously.
        If you like you can read my first few attempts at blogging to learn more about my experience.
        I even have a update on my current status. Because my abuse was not physical & funding is limited I don’t meet the guidelines for assistance. I feel invisible, know one sees me. My husband was clever at leaving no evidence of his abuse. I don’t find your concern offensive at all. I was isolated & alone for so long, I felt like I was worthless & I pleaded for God to come & get me. He didn’t so I feel HE has a purpose for my life. I feel cared for, I feel like I DO matter. You reaching out renews that for me. People actually care. I have been sharing my story so much I just can’t go in to details right now. Every time I recall & share my story I feel as if I’m reliving all the abuse & it triggers me. So please scan through my blog if you choose to learn more about my situation. Sending you healing hugs.
        Joyce ❤🍃❤

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I will most certainly read the rest of your blog, Joyce. I shall keep a lookout for any possible resources that may be helpful to you. Two heads are better than one, and I wish to help in anyway that I am able. Yes, you most certainly matter, my friend! Things will get better, I promise you. I am here if you ever need a friend to talk to. I send you hugs as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That means a great deal.
      & remember I’m also here for you too, if you need to talk. One of the greatest gift I have received in this process is meeting so many supportive women who understands my thoughts, my feelings, my struggles & the small victories. I pray that moving forward we both heal completely and that we can become advocates to help other survivors.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I am a survivor and and advocate for survival. One of the biggest misconceptions about Domestic violence, is that is only physical. In my case it was an absolute raping of my life. Financial, mental, emotional and yes physical too. When I share my story, I give others the space to share too, so I applaud you for sharing. The more we tell our stories, the less hold they have over us. When I began writing and speaking I would have panic attacks, and PTSD would overwhelm me. Today, while I am still affected, he has less hold on me. Our triggers will always be there, but we get better at coping. So be an advocate, talk to whoever you can. Look around, 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 7 men are affected… help is available. #lets_chat Thank you for sharing!

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