Domestic Violence Awareness: Financial Violence        

 

Financial Violence: 4 Signs to Watch for in a New Relationship

(Image: iStock.com/PeopleImages)

(Image: iStock.com/PeopleImages)

By        –Blackenterprise.com

Most people think of domestic or intimate partner violence in physical terms, however there are other recognizable forms of abuse that can be predictors of the potential for physical violence in a relationship. These forms of abuse include verbal, emotional, and financial violence.

Recognizing these predictive patterns of behavior early while still getting to know someone is critical in avoiding abusive relationships. As a personal finance journalist, educator, and the co-creator of Grown Zone Relationship Education, I am passionate about teaching people what they need to know to protect themselves, in their pursuit of healthy intimate relationships.

Because a person’s relationship with money is often a reflection of a person’s sense of self-esteem, power, and control, signs of a financial abuser can actually be spotted relatively early on in relationships, long before physical abuse even becomes apparent. Unfortunately, because of our reluctance to address financial habits and behaviors in relationships, typically acts of financial violence are overlooked or dismissed.

Protecting your finances—as well as your emotional health and physical safety—means vigilantly watching for signs of financially abusive behaviors in a relationship.

Examples of such abuse include the following:

  1. Your partner attempts to read your mail, go through your purse, or otherwise gain access to your money and/or personal financial information without your knowledge or consent, or over your objections. In the beginning, they may insist that they are “just playing” or that they are doing it to get a rise out of you. Don’t be fooled—they are not playing.
  2. They engage in behaviors that undermine your ability to get a job, start a business, or that put the job or business you have at risk. It could begin with always calling when they know you have an important meeting, or showing up at your job or at a business lunch unannounced.
  3. They exhibit “Jekyll and Hyde” personas, demonstrating financial generosity in front of other people, but vindictiveness when the two of you are alone. For example, on a double date at an expensive restaurant, he or she may insist that you may order whatever you want on the menu. Then later, while driving you home, they may angrily accuse you of taking advantage of their generosity and insist that you owe them. This usually means you are expected to acquiesce to anything they demands of you, including sex.
  4. They constantly press you to grant financial favors, such as extending loans and paying their bills, and they react angrily or maliciously when you don’t. Punishment for your failure to grant requests could range from withering verbal attacks to destruction of your property.

If you see any of these signs of financial violence, do not ignore them. Minimizing or dismissing them could not only put your financial health at risk, it could also literally put your life in danger. According to theNational Network to End Domestic Violence, financial violence is experienced in 98% of abusive relationships.

Recognizing the signs of a financial abuser early in a relationship should prompt you to end it immediately, to minimize damage to your finances and avoid becoming a target of other forms of abuse. When it comes to domestic violence, as with most threats to your health and safety, prevention is far better than the cure of rescue and recovery after damage is done.

The key to avoiding abuse is setting and strictly enforcing standards for your treatment in relationships. Adopt a zero-tolerance policy against any form of abuse, including financial violence. As we say in the Grown Zone, the rules of love and money are the same as for boxing: protect yourself at all times.

All credits belong to                            Black Enterprise Executive Editor-at-Large Alfred Edmond Jr. is an award-winning business and financial journalist, media executive, entrepreneurship expert, personal growth/relationships coach, and co-founder of Grown Zone, a relationship education initiative focused on personal growth and healthy decision-making. Follow him on Twitter at @AlfredEdmondJr.

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Caterpillar to Butterfly: From Victim to Victorious

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness month I wanted to share this because I’m transforming from Victim to Victor.

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

From victim to victorious…
are the words that came to me…
as I looked at this picture…
and the transformation we can see.
For wanting to fly away…
is actually a common thought…
as many have wanted to escape…
from the battles being fought.
For victims are victimized…
and made to feel so low…
as they endure many abuses…
that most don’t even know.
And though some actually crawl…
on egg shells most walk…
for many have been beaten…
but all have suffered abusive talk.
For attack after attack…
just beats us down more…
as fear and brokenness increases…
with the abuses we deplore.

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Domestic Violence Awareness & Teens

http://www.ajc.com/news/crime–law/riverdale-high-school-students-dead-murder-suicide/3IiC0J2mDhq1YTj94W2mTI/

I wanted to share this story because this just really touched my heart.

I never talk about my youngest son because the wound and the grief from his death were so deep I couldn’t even bring  his name up without tears. But today I believe that I’ve made progress. In August of 2007 my son was killed. He was at college & in just 5 months he would have graduated with a dual degree. But on August 17, my husband answered the phone & it was a detective with the news my son was found in his home with one gun shot to the head by an ex girlfriend. I was devastated he was my youngest son, my baby. I later found out from his friends that my son had dated this young lady who was extremely jealous and violent. I was told he broke up with her, and with each of her failed attempts to get him back her anger turned into violent acts.. After 4 days of no response from my son to any of his group of friends one went to check on him and found him dead. My son never told me anything about the trouble he was having with her. I think he may not have known the danger he was in. I stopped beating my self up about why, & how could I have helped, could I have said something to him that would have saved his life?  I no longer beat myself up about it. I gave it all to God.*I really can’t express how I found peace,.. I just did with a whole lot of tears, prayers and crying out to God.*  I just wanted to share this because I feel that teenagers should be educated about dating violence in high school just like they teach sex education. I wanted to make sure both my sons got a college education so that their future would have promise. I never thought to talk to them about violence in dating relationships. I taught them to love God, to say mam & sir, how to treat girls, how to stay safe when driving and pulled over, and respect their elders;…but I didn’t teach them about dating violence. I feel strongly that it may have saved his life, because he was a great kid , obedient and always would listen to me,….if I had added dating violence to the tools I gave him maybe he would be alive..

Early in my own journey from domestic violence someone said “Knowledge is power” let’s give our teens the knowledge and the power to stop domestic violence.

Thank you for reading my blog and God bless you.                          Joyce❤

Dealing with domestic violence and aggression

Domestic Violence Awareness
From a Teacher to the Parents

From a teacher, to the parents

Deepak’s shocking story is an extreme case of hatred and rage perpetrated by domestic violence , aggravated by lack of communication. The loss of his loving caregiver was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Lets examine the key lessons to remember

Firstly the violence of any form, even hitting, is not an answer to any problem for correcting a child especially when an adolescent child is involved.  The best solution is always to nurture a warm relationship with your children by spending relaxing time with them like playing with them or involving in any activities like their science project, reading etc so that the barrier between the father and son is broken and he starts sharing his views and feelings.  Unfortunately in India where the men work very late they hardly have time to even to talk with their wards. In that case they should make it a point…

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DV Awareness Day #5: TRIGGERS Are Real

I wanted to reblog this post because as a survivor I have many triggers. One trigger that I had was hearing the garage door going up or down. When my husband was here I knew that when I heard that door go up that meant he was home and the terror began. So for a while every time that door moved I was triggered. But one day I shared my fear of the garage door on Twitter and Tamara Bess LMFT saw it and sent me a link to one of her post on triggers. Her act of kindness helped me tremendously and I am no longer triggered by the sound of the garage door. I replaced the feeling of fear by redirecting my thought at that very moment with a good memory, a memory and feeling from a happier event. So every time I heard that door go up I thought of the happy thought. & abra cadabra it worked. I’m no longer triggered by that door.
I’m saying all this to say even after we leave our abusers we still carry with us triggers, fears and many different challenges on the road to healing.
I ask everyone to do what you can know matter how small to help out survivors of any abuse.
I want to send a heartfelt thanks to Tamara Bess LMFT for her act of kindness that helped this survivor make a giant step toward healing.
And to SecretAngel for creating the original blog that prompted me to share a bit of my story with others.
What I’ve learned is that we are on this earth to do Gods work and when we each do what we can for someone else we are Him.
That’s one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned.
Okay, I’m out.
Please excuse all errors grammatical or any others. I’m working on that part of me too.

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

Image result for abuse triggers

Too many people do not understand the effects of abuse and trauma on it’s victims. The triggers that remain are very real and can be debilitating to it’s victims. (See the attached blog postings)

TRIGGERS are real…
with painful memories of the past…
with fear and panic that arise…
like the blow of a shotgun blast.
But too many don’t understand…
for they have not walked in our shoes..
so they can’t even comprehend…
cause they may never have been abused.
But those who have experienced it…
know their triggers and it’s effect…
for C-PTSD in abuse victims…
is more common than most expect.

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FEAR, PTSD, and the Abused Woman (Part 1 of Fear) (2 Tim. 1:7)

In honor of Domestic Violence awareness I wanted to share this blog because its how I’ve spent the last 18 months of surving since the abuse. Knowledge is power and for along time I didn’t even understand what it was I was experiencing. Now I do and I hope this will help anyone who needs it.
Thank you Secret Angel for expressing feelings and thoughts that I can’t by myself.
**Part of the damage to the abuse is that I sometimes can’t find the words, or I can’t clearly express what I want to say.
Thanks to all those who support survivors of any form of abuse.

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

ptsd1
FEAR!!
Have you ever lived with fear? Real fear! The fear that makes your heart race, your hands shake, and makes you want to run and hide. The fear where you are constantly looking over your shoulder. The fear where your eyes search across parking lots looking for certain vehicles before you stop. The fear that even a phone ringing with a certain number on caller ID will send you into a panic. Panic! That’s the name. A fear so intense that a panic response is triggered by something that most people would not even think about…Followed by uncontolled periods of crying…

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