Domestic Violence Awareness: Financial Abuse is Domestic Violence

‘My Husband Never Let Me Spend More than $200 a Month on Food’

One woman shares her story of financial abuse, an all-too-common form of domestic violence.

 October 17, 2016

Domestic Violence Awareness: Financial Violence        


Financial Violence: 4 Signs to Watch for in a New Relationship



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Most people think of domestic or intimate partner violence in physical terms, however there are other recognizable forms of abuse that can be predictors of the potential for physical violence in a relationship. These forms of abuse include verbal, emotional, and financial violence.

Recognizing these predictive patterns of behavior early while still getting to know someone is critical in avoiding abusive relationships. As a personal finance journalist, educator, and the co-creator of Grown Zone Relationship Education, I am passionate about teaching people what they need to know to protect themselves, in their pursuit of healthy intimate relationships.

Because a person’s relationship with money is often a reflection of a person’s sense of self-esteem, power, and control, signs of a financial abuser can actually be spotted relatively early on in relationships, long before physical abuse even becomes apparent. Unfortunately, because of our reluctance to address financial habits and behaviors in relationships, typically acts of financial violence are overlooked or dismissed.

Protecting your finances—as well as your emotional health and physical safety—means vigilantly watching for signs of financially abusive behaviors in a relationship.

Examples of such abuse include the following:

  1. Your partner attempts to read your mail, go through your purse, or otherwise gain access to your money and/or personal financial information without your knowledge or consent, or over your objections. In the beginning, they may insist that they are “just playing” or that they are doing it to get a rise out of you. Don’t be fooled—they are not playing.
  2. They engage in behaviors that undermine your ability to get a job, start a business, or that put the job or business you have at risk. It could begin with always calling when they know you have an important meeting, or showing up at your job or at a business lunch unannounced.
  3. They exhibit “Jekyll and Hyde” personas, demonstrating financial generosity in front of other people, but vindictiveness when the two of you are alone. For example, on a double date at an expensive restaurant, he or she may insist that you may order whatever you want on the menu. Then later, while driving you home, they may angrily accuse you of taking advantage of their generosity and insist that you owe them. This usually means you are expected to acquiesce to anything they demands of you, including sex.
  4. They constantly press you to grant financial favors, such as extending loans and paying their bills, and they react angrily or maliciously when you don’t. Punishment for your failure to grant requests could range from withering verbal attacks to destruction of your property.

If you see any of these signs of financial violence, do not ignore them. Minimizing or dismissing them could not only put your financial health at risk, it could also literally put your life in danger. According to theNational Network to End Domestic Violence, financial violence is experienced in 98% of abusive relationships.

Recognizing the signs of a financial abuser early in a relationship should prompt you to end it immediately, to minimize damage to your finances and avoid becoming a target of other forms of abuse. When it comes to domestic violence, as with most threats to your health and safety, prevention is far better than the cure of rescue and recovery after damage is done.

The key to avoiding abuse is setting and strictly enforcing standards for your treatment in relationships. Adopt a zero-tolerance policy against any form of abuse, including financial violence. As we say in the Grown Zone, the rules of love and money are the same as for boxing: protect yourself at all times.

All credits belong to                            Black Enterprise Executive Editor-at-Large Alfred Edmond Jr. is an award-winning business and financial journalist, media executive, entrepreneurship expert, personal growth/relationships coach, and co-founder of Grown Zone, a relationship education initiative focused on personal growth and healthy decision-making. Follow him on Twitter at @AlfredEdmondJr.

Domestic Violence Awareness & Teens–law/riverdale-high-school-students-dead-murder-suicide/3IiC0J2mDhq1YTj94W2mTI/

I wanted to share this story because this just really touched my heart.

I never talk about my youngest son because the wound and the grief from his death were so deep I couldn’t even bring  his name up without tears. But today I believe that I’ve made progress. In August of 2007 my son was killed. He was at college & in just 5 months he would have graduated with a dual degree. But on August 17, my husband answered the phone & it was a detective with the news my son was found in his home with one gun shot to the head by an ex girlfriend. I was devastated he was my youngest son, my baby. I later found out from his friends that my son had dated this young lady who was extremely jealous and violent. I was told he broke up with her, and with each of her failed attempts to get him back her anger turned into violent acts.. After 4 days of no response from my son to any of his group of friends one went to check on him and found him dead. My son never told me anything about the trouble he was having with her. I think he may not have known the danger he was in. I stopped beating my self up about why, & how could I have helped, could I have said something to him that would have saved his life?  I no longer beat myself up about it. I gave it all to God.*I really can’t express how I found peace,.. I just did with a whole lot of tears, prayers and crying out to God.*  I just wanted to share this because I feel that teenagers should be educated about dating violence in high school just like they teach sex education. I wanted to make sure both my sons got a college education so that their future would have promise. I never thought to talk to them about violence in dating relationships. I taught them to love God, to say mam & sir, how to treat girls, how to stay safe when driving and pulled over, and respect their elders;…but I didn’t teach them about dating violence. I feel strongly that it may have saved his life, because he was a great kid , obedient and always would listen to me,….if I had added dating violence to the tools I gave him maybe he would be alive..

Early in my own journey from domestic violence someone said “Knowledge is power” let’s give our teens the knowledge and the power to stop domestic violence.

Thank you for reading my blog and God bless you.                          Joyce❤

Domestic Violence Awareness / Then One Day I picked up the phone,,,

Featured imageand reached out for help. Shame kept  me isolated and imprisoned in a world of daily abuse. But then one day I mustard up the courage and called the Domestic Violence Hotline and they listened, I was crying rambling on and on, and so ashamed. They gave me encouragement and advise.  They were nonjudgmental. They just talked me through it. I called them several times just to talk about what to do and how to do it. They taught me how to set up a safety plan, how to protect myself to be safe. To go to my neighbor and set up a signal in case I was in danger and needed help. To pack an emergency escape bag and leave it with her. They really emphasized safety first. They gave me that little extra courage I did’t have on my own. I was so grateful to God that they were there.   So  from a new survivor Please take a stand. Help end .

Update on my journey at #Financially Abused

I just wanted to share what my journey has been like this far. I have contacted many organizations in my local area for help and search has been unsuccessful .Though my situation is extreme it’s not extreme enough.

  •  Because I was not a victim of physical violence I don’t fit the requirements to receive financial help.  While my husband was cruel if  he had added physical abuse to his behavior  I could then get help. Legal Aide refered me to my counties family law work shop. I completed the workshop and was granted a 90 minute consult  with an attorney for a flat fee of $100.  At the end of the consult she told me that I could retain her for a fee of $3500. Everybody I contact I am told they can’t
  •  assist me. I was successful in obtaining help from DHS  with foodstamps. And I am so grateful for that. I am still iny home  even though I am not sure for how much longer. I have been able to maintain my water and electricity bills every month with money from the sell of anything I owned.  I am still very early in my journey and sometimes I feel hopeless. But there are more times when I feel ok, I feel  peace, I feel hopeful. I don’t know what will happen but I am Free. I am loosing everything but finding myself. Please if anyone can help me in any kind of way  contact me. I am still in such great need. Please everybody that reads this pray for me. Please please please pray for me.
  • Joicelizsabeth