In honor of Domestic Violence awareness I wanted to share this blog because its how I’ve spent the last 18 months of surving since the abuse. Knowledge is power and for along time I didn’t even understand what it was I was experiencing. Now I do and I hope this will help anyone who needs it.
Thank you Secret Angel for expressing feelings and thoughts that I can’t by myself.
**Part of the damage to the abuse is that I sometimes can’t find the words, or I can’t clearly express what I want to say.
Thanks to all those who support survivors of any form of abuse.
FEAR!!
Have you ever lived with fear? Real fear! The fear that makes your heart race, your hands shake, and makes you want to run and hide. The fear where you are constantly looking over your shoulder. The fear where your eyes search across parking lots looking for certain vehicles before you stop. The fear that even a phone ringing with a certain number on caller ID will send you into a panic. Panic! That’s the name. A fear so intense that a panic response is triggered by something that most people would not even think about…Followed by uncontolled periods of crying…
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Financial Abuse is Domestic Violence 
Powerful post…sad that we live in a world with terrorizing fear of which you describe.
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That was my life until I spilled my trauma onto “paper” (my laptop), and spoke to a Biblical counselor whose father abused him. I still am blindsided – images, a word, song, comment, and invisible triggers I cannot identify. I have suffered fromPTSD, Stockholm syndrome. learned behaviors, and reactive responses for over fifty years. Partly because the reason I am confined to bed is due to traffickers. This is a powerful post. Thank you.
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I loved reading your blogs last night. Great insight!
I never knew that after I escaped the abuse I would still carry so much of it with me everyday. Some of the smallest and insignificant things create triggers and fears in me. Invisible triggers are ie. “it may be a beautiful day and the atmosphere feels so familiar to a day that a traumatic abusive event happened and send you into a sense of hyper-vigilance.” Its as if the body and the mind records those events inside our souls, wounds and our memory.
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Our wounds are etched in our minds, bodies, and souls, but thankfully cannot touch our spirit. I am 65 this month and still invisible triggers blindside me. It’s ok to shut down, pray, meditate, or listen to a favorite uplifting song. Soon it will implode the trigger, even possibly reveal what caused it to happen. Never be hard on yourself. Many victims of abuses suffer from guilt and shame, tending to blame themselves.
Abuse is never the victims fault, never.
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Thanks Nancy J, you are right my spirit was not changed by the abuse. I like who I am on the inside. The part of me he thought he was destroying is alive & strong. In the very beginning the weight of the shame was tremendous but I since have let that go. Other survivors sharing their stories helped me start the healing within to become a whole woman again. To be honest when your entire world everyday is abuse you lose faith in people in general. At one time I wanted God to come take me home, but I don’t anymore. The kindness and love I’ve received from perfect strangers helped me realize I’m no longer ready to go. Their is much work I can do for others just like what others did for me. God bless and protect you too. Happy Sunday☺
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I have prayed that prayer many times and lived through nine suicide attempts. I believe God gives each of us a thorn in the flesh as He did Paul, to keep us grounded and humble. Beauty from ashes – our mantra. Jesus died for sin, not for evil. I believe many abusers and especially human traffickers are evil, maybe even soulless demons. I am not a Bible thumper. I believe God’s word comes to us in many ways. But, there is a verse in the Bible that reads Satan is the god of this world, here to blind the eyes of humans. That said, we must not expect to heal overnight or feel guilt, shame, or blame.
Hence, I leave you with this verse as I bid you a peaceful night’s rest:
Proverbs 31:8-9English Standard Version (ESV)
8 Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute.[a]
9 Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy.
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❤ Good night, dear sister.
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I can hear your strength in every post, Joyce. God bless and protect you. ❤
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Anna Waldherr you are one of those beautiful people in the very first weeks of my journey encouraged and inspired me. Thank you for that. It helped me to push through the fear to the peace I have and enjoy now. God bless you.🙏
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Your words humble me. His strength keeps me. ❤ Inspiring one another – thankful we connected. God bless you and protect you as well. xox
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We are Him here on earth, doing His work. Your work strengthen by Him inspired, encourage and strengthens me.❤❤
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Ladies, PTSD is very real for divorced women and children. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! It’s not “all in your head”. If you need to see a mental health professional, make sure they understand PTSD and divorce. I think this is a relatively new realization – that PTSD doesn’t only occur with soldiers and first responders, but also occurs with anyone who has experienced a traumatic experience. And, yes, divorce IS traumatic, especially if there was any kind of abuse involved in the marriage. May God continue to protect each of you ladies as you walk your healing journey. Hugs!
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Could not have been said better…Thank You…You Are Awesome
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